Joining ties with backbiters?
Charity
Asked on 23rd January 2021
Question
Question1. I advise my mum to join ties with her sisters as she is very lonely but when she tries to speak to her sisters they always engage into backbiting. How can she join ties with them?
Question 2: When we speak to our elders and they engage in backbiting how do we stop them without offending them or being disrespectful? Are there any wise tips you can give. Jazakallahukhair
Answer
Assalaamou'alaikoum.
Islam is about advice and at the same time to stay away from anything that may harm us physically, mentally and spiritually.
As for the sister of your mother, she has to keep ties of kinship with her but at the same time if your mother knows that her company is taking her away from the remembrance of Allah, she should advice her and explain to her the danger of backbiting.
In regards to the second question,
As advised is mentioned above, it is very important to address the issue of backbiting in a gathering, i will mention the verse and hadeeth below.
If they are the people that do not take caution of the boundaries of Sharee'ah in regards to backbiting, then these kinds of gatherings shouldn't be attended.
There is a great deal of evidence to show that these actions are haram (impermissible). It will suffice for us to mention just a few of them in order to demonstrate that they are haram.
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful” [49:12]
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Do you know what gheebah (backbiting) is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “Saying something about your brother that he dislikes.” It was said, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said, “If what you say is true then you have backbitten about him, and if it is not true, then you have slandered him.”
[Muslim]
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbas said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) passed by two graves and said, “They are being punished, but they are not being punished for anything that was difficult to avoid. One of them used to walk about spreading malicious gossip (nameemah), and the other used not to take precautions to avoid getting urine on himself when he urinated.” Then he called for a green branch, which he split in two and planted a piece on each grave, and said, “May their torment be reduced so long as these do not dry out.” [al-Bukhaari, Muslim]
For a person to say of another, “He cannot control his tongue (or he has a loose tongue)” is undoubtedly one of those things that a person would dislike to have said about him. If it is true, then it is gheebah (backbiting), and if it is not true then it is buhtan (slander).
Everyone who does any kind of backbiting, slander or malicious gossip has to repent and pray for forgiveness, and that is between him and Allaah. If he knows that any of his words reached the person about whom he was speaking, then he should go to him and ask him to forgive him. But if he does not know, then he should not tell him; rather he should pray for forgiveness for him and make du’a(supplication) for him, and speak well of him in his absence just as he spoke against him. Similarly, if he knows that telling him will provoke more enmity, then it is sufficient to make du’a for him, speak well of him and pray for forgiveness for him.
Allah knows best
Islam is about advice and at the same time to stay away from anything that may harm us physically, mentally and spiritually.
As for the sister of your mother, she has to keep ties of kinship with her but at the same time if your mother knows that her company is taking her away from the remembrance of Allah, she should advice her and explain to her the danger of backbiting.
In regards to the second question,
As advised is mentioned above, it is very important to address the issue of backbiting in a gathering, i will mention the verse and hadeeth below.
If they are the people that do not take caution of the boundaries of Sharee'ah in regards to backbiting, then these kinds of gatherings shouldn't be attended.
There is a great deal of evidence to show that these actions are haram (impermissible). It will suffice for us to mention just a few of them in order to demonstrate that they are haram.
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful” [49:12]
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Do you know what gheebah (backbiting) is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “Saying something about your brother that he dislikes.” It was said, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said, “If what you say is true then you have backbitten about him, and if it is not true, then you have slandered him.”
[Muslim]
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbas said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) passed by two graves and said, “They are being punished, but they are not being punished for anything that was difficult to avoid. One of them used to walk about spreading malicious gossip (nameemah), and the other used not to take precautions to avoid getting urine on himself when he urinated.” Then he called for a green branch, which he split in two and planted a piece on each grave, and said, “May their torment be reduced so long as these do not dry out.” [al-Bukhaari, Muslim]
For a person to say of another, “He cannot control his tongue (or he has a loose tongue)” is undoubtedly one of those things that a person would dislike to have said about him. If it is true, then it is gheebah (backbiting), and if it is not true then it is buhtan (slander).
Everyone who does any kind of backbiting, slander or malicious gossip has to repent and pray for forgiveness, and that is between him and Allaah. If he knows that any of his words reached the person about whom he was speaking, then he should go to him and ask him to forgive him. But if he does not know, then he should not tell him; rather he should pray for forgiveness for him and make du’a(supplication) for him, and speak well of him in his absence just as he spoke against him. Similarly, if he knows that telling him will provoke more enmity, then it is sufficient to make du’a for him, speak well of him and pray for forgiveness for him.
Allah knows best